Life

On being an outsider

I don’t know. Until now, I still feel as an outsider. Not on the “oh-no-i’m-so-special” kind of outsider, just someone who needs another who shared the same perspective.

I’m a perfectly middle-class kid who somehow lived in a provincial town, shared the same experience as another, normal kid there, yet lives in a completely different world.

Contrary to other kids in the provincial town, I had the privilege to travel the world due to family ties and seminars. I went to Singapore, Thailand, China, and Malaysia earlier than my peers. I also had the opportunities that few people (even the rich ones) can taste, going to Portugal as the best example.

Yet, at the same time, I’m also struggled to connect with the more, well-off, peers. I still felt like a normal kid who’ve just happened to get opportunites most don’t have. That doesn’t give me guilt, just the dread that no matter how hard I’ve tried, I just can’t relate to others in the same way.

That feeling contributes to the sense of isolation I often felt during my time in Palembang. I just can’t mesh with anyone, no matter how hard I’ve tried. Somehow, though, I’ve got friends along the way, learning that being unique as a friend is enough to get you one.

Yet, the feeling that no one can relate to you in the first place still lingers, and I hope I can find someone who felt the same way. Until that time comes, I’ve need to be comfortable – although long overdue – with solitude.